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Challenging conversations

Adrian Wakeling, senior guidance manager at Acas, the dispute resolution service, discusses the handling of difficult conversations between NHS managers and employees.

As a manager or supervisor you will probably have to handle a range of tricky conversations that you’d rather just avoid. Starting the conversation can be hard enough – particularly if you need to talk about poor performance or conduct. But the really daunting part is often not knowing where the conversation will go – what underlying issues might emerge and how will the employee react?

Being able to talk about sensitive and emotive issues is an important part of any manager’s job, but it’s also one of the toughest. If handled badly, these conversations can damage team dynamics, lower morale and badly effect levels of attendance and performance.

Get it right and you can, at the very least, contain the problem and, hopefully, develop a better understanding of the employee’s problems and get them back on track as soon as possible.

A survey by CEDR found that 63% of managers and employees felt their organisation was unprepared for dealing with challenging conversations. Acas’ own experience is that, no matter how big or small the problem, it is often made a lot worse by good intentions that go wrong.

Acas guidance

Having one-to-one conversations about work or personal issues requires a great deal of sensitivity and empathy. To manage them successfully, you need to stay in control of your emotions as well as the situation. This checklist should help you prepare for your meeting:

Set the right tone:
• Explain the purpose of the meeting
• Adopt a calm and professional manner
• Reassure the employee about confidentiality
• Focus on the issue not the person

State the issues and give evidence:
• Tell them about the problem and give examples
• Explain how the problem is affecting the individual and the team
• Is the problem new or have you spoken about it before – surprises are harder to handle!

Ask for an explanation:
• Listen to what the employee is saying and try to recognise any underlying causes of unhappiness or stress
• Keep an open mind and don’t jump to conclusions
• Introduce your questions and explore the issues together
• Avoid emotive language or getting diverted from the issue

Agree a way forward:
• Ask the employee for proposals to resolve the problem
• Discuss the options
• Make a decision – you are in charge!
• Arrange a follow-up meeting if necessary
• Monitor and feedback on progress and give support where needed
• Document any agreement and give a copy to the employee.

Be prepared

Before the meeting, you need to do your homework and go over all the information you need to put your points across calmly. Also, be clear about what you want to get out of the conversation. For example, do you want the employee to agree to change their behaviour?

During the meeting, be prepared for the unexpected, because although you can plan what you are going to say, you cannot control how the employee will react. They may treat anything you say as personal criticism and stop listening or become very emotional.

You may also feel as though you are being ambushed by new considerations. For example, an employee may tell you that they have personal problems at home that are affecting their performance. Remember, you can always take time to think things through. Don’t come to any rushed decisions.

What if it doesn’t work out?

Despite your best efforts – and the right training – the difficult conversation may prove more challenging or complex than you first imagined.

An informal chat is nearly always the best way to try and nip problems in the bud before they get out of hand. If you’ve missed that stage or there are issues you don’t feel able to resolve – for example, if there appears to be a personality clash between you and the employee or between the employee and another colleague – mediation can be a useful option.

Mediation is the most common form of conflict resolution. It involves an independent, impartial person helping two individuals or groups reach a solution that is acceptable to everyone. Mediation is not prescriptive. It helps the parties involved to make progress in resolving their differences. It does not make judgments or determine outcomes. It involves a neutral third person working with those in dispute to help them reach an agreement and is a confidential and voluntary process.

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